An amazing post worth reading...

I ran across this post today and it basically sums up my parenting life right now.  If you're not familar with the "FindingJoy" blog or Facebook page you should really check it out.  Read on friends -

My parenting story isn’t cute anymore:  There are no longer cute sleeping toddlers or fun crafts or goofy faces. There are no longer the fun costumes or times pushing swings at the park or all of them in the car, strapped in, with silly songs on.

Hah, now the music is their music and the memes things that I'm like, 'I just don't get it....'

It’s just different.

And just because it’s different doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter. It matters so much even if it isn’t as Instagram worthy. It matters so deeply in the most un-cute way.

It matters.

Keep reading...

DiAnn Mills Guest Blog Post

How Writers Approach Deadlines

Deadlines tend to have a bad reputation. Editors require writers to submit contracted work on a specific day. Let me re-phrase that: Editors require creative, out of the box thinkers to submit a writing protect on a specific date. Not a week or months later.

Deadlines are a good thing for editors!

This allows them to stay on schedule with the publishing house as they work through all areas of ensuring the project is perfected for readers.

Deadlines are a good thing for writers!

Writing is a business. That means we plan our work time, evaluate the past, move forward to the future, and submit our work on time.

The downside of not making a deadline for the editor.

While the editor is working with projects that are submitted in a timely manner, extra work is involved to deal with late ones. Frustration and irritation can easily hit emotions.

The downside of not making a deadline for the writer.

When a writer’s contract is completed, the publishing house might not be enthusiastic about contracting again.

So we writers plan and ensure our manuscripts are turned in on or before the due date. Here is a five-step process:

1.    As soon as a writer has a deadline, she studies her calendar. How many writing days, not weekends or holidays or traveling days, are available before the due date?

2.    Now back up the deadline two months. How many writing days are available two months before the due date?

3.    Divide the word count by the number of days reached in #2. That’s how many words need to be written every day.

4.    With 2 months to spare, let the manuscript rest for two weeks. Then edit hard.

5.    Turn in the manuscript on time.

With the above simple process, a writer is labeled as easy to work with and a true asset to the publishing house.

How do you meet your deadlines? Comment below and be entered in a random drawing for a personalized copy of Deep Extraction.

Author Bio:  

DiAnn Mills is a bestselling author who believes her readers should expect an adventure. She combines unforgettable characters with unpredictable plots to create action-packed, suspense-filled novels.

Her titles have appeared on the CBA and ECPA bestseller lists; won two Christy Awards; and been finalists for the RITA, Daphne Du Maurier, Inspirational Readers’ Choice, and Carol award contests. Library Journal presented her with a Best Books 2014: Genre Fiction award in the Christian Fiction category for Firewall.

DiAnn is a founding board member of the American Christian Fiction Writers, a member of Advanced Writers and Speakers Association, Sisters in Crime, and International Thriller Writers. She is co-director of The Blue Ridge Mountain Christian Writers Conference and The Author Roadmap with social media specialist Edie Melson where she continues her passion of helping other writers be successful. She speaks to various groups and teaches writing workshops around the country.

DiAnn has been termed a coffee snob and roasts her own coffee beans. She’s an avid reader, loves to cook, and believes her grandchildren are the smartest kids in the universe. She and her husband live in sunny Houston, Texas.

DiAnn is very active online and would love to connect with readers on any of the social media platforms listed at www.diannmills.com.

Diann Mills - Guest Author

Can Exercise Make You a Better Writer?

When I was fifteen years old, I wrote every night before going to bed. I was introverted and prone to a few low moods. Exercising in the mornings pumped the good stuff into my brain and improved my outlook on life and opened my mind to write. It’s a practice that became a habit.

Exercise is all about getting our bodies in shape, building muscle so we feel good, and staying alert and healthy. The result is we look good in our clothes, and our self-confidence soars with all the admiring glances. Depression and bad moods often fade, making us thrilled to create. Statistics prove those who exercise fight off diseases and infections. Weight loss is another benefit. Brain functions increase and energy levels are high while we sleep better.

Those are good enough reasons for me to include appropriate exercise into my daily routine. I’m a writer, and I intend to write until my coffin’s closed.

            When we writers are fit, we are alert and excited about life’s challenges.

            The impossible becomes the next scene.

            The deadline is reached with days to spare.

           

When I have a plot problem or a character isn’t behaving the way I’ve envisioned, I’m off to my workout room. Between the equipment and the weights, I find the answers. The moving and sweating (glowing) pours creativity into my brain, and those little chemicals begin shooting messages like firecrackers. Some writers compose while walking. Great concept when we consider the benefits of utilizing the brain’s performance at its peak.

 

If you’re looking for a way to speed up your productivity with rapidly firing inspiration, here are six guidelines.

1.      Approval by your doctor. If exercise isn’t a part of your normal routine, I suggest a good medical checkup. The goal here is to enhance our creativity, not do damage to our body.

2.      Exercising in the morning speeds up our metabolism and fires brain neurons. Strike a match and let your mind do what it does best.

3.      Music has a powerful way of touching our emotions and boosting our moods. When listening to upbeat music while exercising, our pace increases. I’ve found that lifting weights to upbeat songs helps me increase the reps.

4.      Proper nutrition goes hand in hand with exercise. Wisdom says we must know our body and listen to it. Eat a balanced diet and improve your body physically, mentally, and spiritually.

5.      Shoes, yes shoes. We will destroy our feet and knees without proper support. Can’t develop one-of-a-kind characters and high-impact stories when our body hurts. Consider it an investment in an awesome writing career.

6.      Sleep-deficit equates to lousy writing. When a writer’s head hits the keyboard, there’s a problem. Before we can utilize the benefits of exercise, we have to catch up on our sleep.

So what about you? Can exercise make you a better writer? Try it for one month and see if your creativity doesn’t burst onto the page in rich prose.   Enter my giveaway to win either a signed hard copy of "Double Cross" (I loved this book...review to follow later this week), or an e-copy of "Double Cross".  One winner will be chosen at random on April 18!

DiAnn Mills is a bestselling author who believes her readers should expect an adventure. She combines unforgettable characters with unpredictable plots to create action-packed, suspense-filled novels.

Her titles have appeared on the CBA and ECPA bestseller lists; won two Christy Awards; and been finalists for the RITA, Daphne Du Maurier, Inspirational Readers’ Choice, and Carol award contests. Library Journal presented her with a Best Books 2014: Genre Fiction award in the Christian Fiction category for Firewall.

DiAnn is a founding board member of the American Christian Fiction Writers; the 2015 president of the Romance Writers of America’s Faith, Hope, & Love chapter; a member of Advanced Writers and Speakers Association, and International Thriller Writers. She speaks to various groups and teaches writing workshops around the country. She and her husband live in sunny Houston, Texas.

DiAnn is very active online and would love to connect with readers on any of the social media platforms listed at www.diannmills.com.

CHRISTY AWARD WINNER

FIREWALL - Tyndale - July 2014

DOUBLE CROSS - Tyndale April 2015

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Erin Healy Interview

Erin Healy’s latest supernatural thriller, Stranger Things, comes to stores on New Year’s Eve.

Library Journal says: “Serena Diaz’s teaching career came to an abrupt end when a student falsely accused her of sexual misconduct. Seeking solace in the woods, she discovers that a gang of sex traffickers has taken over a vacant house. Serena is almost captured by one of the criminals but is saved by an unknown man who has been shadowing her. He is shot, and Serena escapes with her life. But she is drawn to know more about this stranger who died for her. What follows is a suspenseful story of danger and pure evil. Whom can Serena trust in a world that seems intent on serving its own self-interests? VERDICT Healy (Afloat; coauthor with Ted Dekker, Burn and Kiss) has written an edgy, fast-paced spiritual thriller that will please Dekker fans.”

How was your idea for Stranger Things born?

Two years ago, during a Good Friday service, my pastor (Kelly Williams of Vanguard Church, Colorado Springs) asked the congregation: “If a complete stranger died while saving your life, wouldn’t you want to know everything you could about that person? Wouldn’t you want your life to honor that person’s death?” He challenged us to consider Jesus Christ in a new light—as a stranger, as a savior we might not know as well as we think we do. This idea has roots in Romans 5:8—“While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Before I ever had the chance to know him, while he was a complete stranger to me, Christ died for me. The Message translation says “when [I was] of no use whatever to him.” Why would he do that? Have I investigated him thoroughly enough to connect my own life with his purposes? This is all background, though. Stranger Things isn’t an overtly Christian tale as my previous novels have been, but it’s a parable about these questions.

Stranger Things sounds like a pretty dark read. Why did you choose to write about sex trafficking?

Human trafficking (of which sex trafficking is a subcategory) is the world’s third-fastest growing illegal industry behind drugs and weapons. It is the most horrifying kind of modern captivity I can imagine, and my research proved that even my imagination fell short of reality. I picked it because it’s a real contemporary crisis, but also because it profoundly symbolizes the kind of bondage that Christ came to end (Isaiah 61:1-3). Freeing the captive, physically and spiritually, is a high calling for followers of Jesus who want to express their gratitude for his sacrifice and demonstrate his love through the continuation of his work.

What does all this have to do with the “thin places” that you’re always talking about?

The traditional (Celtic) definition of a thin place is a physical location in the world where the division between physical and spiritual realities falls away, a place where we can see the greater truth of our existence. In my stories I use the term “thin place” to define moments when a person experiences a sharpened spiritual awareness about what’s really going on in his or her life. Stranger Things  is the first novel in which I’ve combined both ideas. The thin place is a physical location, a burned-out house in a sparse terrain, where Serena discovers her purpose. “There are places in the world where you will encounter things so real that you will be surprised others don’t have an identical experience,” Serena’s father tells her. “But then you will realize that the clarity given to you is a gift from God. Perhaps this gift is just for you, maybe also it will touch the lives of others.”

Did anything surprise you while writing the novel?

I started with intentions to write about an Asian-based trafficking ring, but in the course of my research was distressed to learn just how close to home the problem lies. Though it’s impossible to get a precise count of how many people are victims of sex trafficking in the US, most estimates fall between 100,000 and 300,000 (mostly women and children). Since I learned this my own awareness has expanded, and I’m happy to see just how many efforts are already underway—not only in the US—to end this atrocity. The Polaris Project is a great place to begin learning about global human trafficking.

What do you hope readers will take away from Stranger Things?

I hope the novel is layered enough to meet each reader individually. Maybe some will be challenged to investigate Jesus Christ further. Maybe some will use their new awareness of trafficking to do something about it. (I’ve joined the prayer team of a local home for girls rescued from sexual slavery.) To date my favorite response to the book was from the person who found herself looking in a new way at the strangers who surrounded her. She felt unexpectedly protective and concerned, on heightened alert to ways in which she might be able to help them. In other words, ways in which she might be able to do what Christ did for her. So many opportunities! If we all moved through the world with eyes like that, what might change for the better? I love to think of all the possibilities.

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Bring Your Money Into the Light

Bring Your Money Into the Light

Article written by Christy Fitzwater, author of the e-book Going Cash

Download Going Cash for free at www.christyfitzwater.com/writing.

 

For the first two decades of our married life, I handled all the finances and did it poorly. Of course, I didn't know I was doing it poorly, but now I do.

I thought it was great that I was taking care of the money, so my husband didn't have to worry about it. It seemed like a good wifely thing to do, taking that burden off his already heavy plate. But now I see that what happened was me and the money went into a dark room, and bad things happen in the dark.

Matt's really frugal, and he didn't need money for stuff most of the time. But then every once in a while he would say, Hey, can we buy... I would go ballistic. Are you crazy? Do you know what our finances look like? No we don't have money for that!

Of course he didn't know what our finances looked like.

The money was in the dark.

A few years ago my monthly spending got really bad. We were starting to spend money we didn't have, encroaching into the next month's paycheck ---a dangerous place to be. I realized one day that I was swiping the debit card without evening looking at the amount I was spending. I would leave the grocery store having no clue what I had just done to our monthly budget.

Until the bank statement came, and I would be appalled at what I had spent. But that's what happens when the money is in the dark.

So in frustration three years ago, I decided to follow my friend's lead and go to using all cash.

Best decision EVER.

You know what happened? I went to the bank and saw the money in the envelope. I put money for Matt in separate envelopes for his spending ---right out there where he could see how much he had. I placed real money in see-through plastic sleeves in a purse-sized money organizer. Now even the kids can see how much clothing and allowance money they have.

Jesus says, "Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God." (John 3:21 NIV)

I used to be horrified to talk to Matt about the state of our finances. It didn't seem nearly so bad when it was just me and the money in the dark, but when I pulled out the truth for him to see I would realize how bad it was. Now that we have gone to using all cash, I have no shame. We all can see how much money there is. Our spending is well under control. (Thank God!) It has brought a peace into our marriage that I didn't know was missing until I experienced it.

So let me ask you---is your money in the dark where things go bad, or have you brought your finances into the light?

To read more from Christy Fitzwater or download Going Cash, visit her blog at www.christyfitzwater.com or follow her on Facebook and Twitter (@Christy_Fitz).

Balancing the Demands of Life - Guest Post

As a work-at-home mom, balancing the demands of life and work can be a challenge. I’m a wife and a mother and a housekeeper, a junior high leader, a Bible study volunteer, a friend and daughter and sister, and oh yeah….I’m an author too.

I know what it’s like to feel overwhelmed. I think in this day and age, all of us do. At least I’ve never heard anyone say, “Ugh. I have too much time. I wish there weren’t so many hours in a day.” And if I did, I might punch them in the liver. (Totally kidding! I’m anti-violence, I promise.)

The reality is, we’re all busy. We can’t forgo sleep. So what’s the key? How can we order our days so that we’re not dropping too many balls? After doing some reflecting, I came up with four tips that have helped me….

1. Schedule

This is a life saver. I think it’s crucial for any person who works from home, because it’s all too easy to slide toward one of two extremes: working way too much or working way too little. For me, I have set writing hours. My husband knows them and I know them. During those writing hours, I am not being a mother or a wife or a housekeeper. I am strictly being an author. I’m either in my office or at the library. Working.

2. Prioritize

For me, it’s God first, family second, writing third, then everything else. I never want to forget my ultimate pursuit and it’s not publication. It’s Jesus. That means getting up early (even though I don’t have to be at an actual job) so I can start the morning with Him, soaking in His presence. Beyond that, I try to make sure we always eat dinner as a family and I don’t usually work after Brogan goes to bed, so hubby and I can have some alone time together.

3. Learn to Say No and Ask for Help

As much as we might want to, we can’t do everything. Learning to say no was huge for me. So was asking for help. When I left my full-time job as a teacher, I had this crazy notion that I’d be able to do everything around the house. But that didn’t transfer well into reality. My husband does all the laundry (isn’t he awesome?). My family lives in town and is great about watching Brogan so I can get some work done. As much as I’d love to garden and scrapbook and keep up with American Idol and maintain a spotless home and be more social during the day, I just can’t. I have to be diligent about not letting the good get in the way of the things I know God has called me to—being a wife, a mother, and an author. 

4. Embrace Grace

We’re all busy. Nobody’s perfect. Everybody has good days and bad days. That same grace you extend to your friends, your husband, your children? Make sure to extend it to yourself too.

Let’s Talk: What tips do you have for balancing all that is on your plate?

________________________

Bio:
Katie Ganshert was born and raised in the Midwest, where she writes stories about finding faith and falling in love. When she’s not busy plotting her next novel, she enjoys watching movies with her husband, playing make-believe with her wild-child of a son, and chatting with her girlfriends over bagels. She and her husband are in the process of adopting from the Congo. You can find her online at her blog and on Facebook.

________________________

Visit this post to win your very own ARC (Advanced Reader Copy) of Wishing on Willows!

What I Didn’t Know - Rhonda Shrock

I always knew I wanted to be a mother. As a girl, I played house with my dollies, shushing them when they cried and kissing their plastic heads.

Looking back at that girl, I realize now that there was a lot she didn't know. This morning over my fresh-ground coffee, this mother of 22-1/2 years scratched out a list of 10 things she didn't know then that she knows now.

1. I didn't know - how could I? - just how completely a tiny, helpless scrap of humanity can capture the heart and hold it forever. From that first whooshing heartbeat and the first butterfly brushes, a mother's heart is never again her own. For all eternity, it enlarges, walking and pulsing and moving outside of her body; in my case, in the shape of a blue-eyed boy with rooster tails. Times four.

2. I didn't know that the size of a mother's heart is always changing, stretching to embrace each new baby that comes, then growing again to love their friends and then their own families.

3. I never knew, as I changed my dolly's dress, how many reasons there are to worry when you're a mama. Didn't know about the nighttime vigils. Didn't know the anxiety of separation, the terror that floods when you turn around in the grocery store and they're gone. Didn't know about the fear of the pond next door or the concern that pays for swimming lessons. Didn't know the thousand-and-one reasons that keep a mother awake, whispering prayers on her pillow in the dark.

4. No one told me that loving so much means that you will hurt hard and keen; that what pains your child hurts you even worse. I didn't know then that a playground taunt travels through that smaller heart and lands square in yours, stinging and burning like fire. I didn't know that motherhood makes lionesses of us all and that there'd be days I'd have to bite my tongue and pray to not sin.

5. I didn't know how exhausting it is, being a mother. I didn't know that it takes everything you've got and then some. Didn't know the bone-deep exhaustion; how it strips you bare and shows how selfish you can be, but, too, that you have more strength than you know.

6. I didn't know, playing house, how much joy mothers feel; joy so big that it makes up for the pain. Just looking at those eyes and the curve of the cheek can make you so happy it hurts. Watching them grow and find their talent and win at something...all the money in the world can never buy that kind of happiness.

7. I didn't know how making babies and raising them, how it binds you to their father. I didn't know the intimacy you feel when your eyes meet above those tousled heads, and your smiles say, "Just look at what we've done."

8. That girl in the homemade dress, she didn't know that letting go is one of the hardest things a grown-up mama will ever do. Rocking those babies in that small rocking chair, she didn't really know that babies grow up and walk away and there goes your heart, out into the big, wide world. No one told her that part.

9. I had no idea how rewarding it is, being a mother. How the happiness that comes from boy kisses and awkward hugs can't be bought or sold. How proud you feel when you see what they're growing up to be and that all the planting and pruning and watering and feeding is finally making fruit!

10. I didn't know how much my babies would enrich my spiritual life or how they would change the way I pray. I didn't realize they would lead me to a deeper dependence on the Heavenly Father or how I much I would need His wisdom to raise them aright.

These are things I didn't know before I was a mother. But I know them now. Oh, how I know them now! And I’d do it all again.

He Will Walk With You - Carey Bailey

As a little girl, I loved baby dolls. Loved them! I played school, adoption agency, daycare operator and babysitter all day. I felt like I was born to be a mama. Therefore, I was a bit anxious when the ages, 22, 25, 28 and 32 came and went and there were no babies. Have you ever desired something so much and feared never getting it? That was me.

My day finally came at the age of 34. I soon realized that God knew what He was doing when He had me wait. To my shock, it wasn’t as easy as playing with dolls. I was surprised that it wasn’t the dream world I imagined it would be! I felt like life became a gigantic prayer.

“God, HELP me!”

“Please, God. Please, please, please make it all better. I can’t do this!”

“God, this feels impossible. Where are you?”

While I adore motherhood, it is harder and there are more adjustments than I expected. (I am hoping there are some nodding of heads and Amen’s being said out there in cyberworld.) Not only did I have a new life to care for, but my identity suddenly felt all scrambled up. It took me until my son was one to finally feel confident in my new role as a mother, confident that I could drop my child off at preschool without crying, confident that I could go out with the girls’ and the world wouldn’t fall apart, and confident that I could go on a date night and have conversations that didn’t revolve just around our son.

I was feeling settled in my new world and then WHAM! I discovered I was pregnant again. Can I be vulnerable with you? I actually cried when I found out. And they were not tears of joy. I feel awful saying that out loud, and I hope you will give me a moment to explain. It was not that I didn’t want another baby or feel like I couldn’t love a new life, it was just that I got scared. Discovering a little person was on the way sent a panic through me. Would my son still receive the love and attention that he deserved? How was my husband going to feel about my body changing again? Would I ever be able to pursue the vision I felt God had for me in writing and publishing? I was truly wondering if I was going to be able to handle another intense wave of identity crisis like the one I had just been through. I wasn’t sure.

God and I needed a serious talk. And in that conversation He carefully reminded me of this:

“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

He reminded me in our time together that I, too, am His child and He has every intention of loving me, caring for me, and giving me the future that He has planned for me.

As mothers, we can get so caught up in parenting that we forget that we, too, have a spiritual parent who loves us as His child. He loves you as much as He loves the children He has given you. He will never forsake you. And on those days when motherhood seems too overwhelming and too impossible I step back and take a deep breath. Then I remember that this journey I am on, right now, is the one He has designed and create uniquely for me. I simply need to live in it, learn from it, and allow His love to sweep over and through me.

He will walk with me! He will walk with you! Grab His hand.

Stepping Out On Faith - Bonnie St. John

"Darcy . . .”

“Yeah, Mom?”

I momentarily held the undivided attention of my teenage daughter. Her thumbs, free of their ubiquitous texting keypad, quietly dangled by her side. Her computer and its omnipresent Facebook page were completely out of sight. I had almost forgotten what she looked like without all these adolescent accoutrements. As we sat down together on the burgundy leather sofa in our living room, I realized this fleeting state of electronic dislocation was my chance to hatch a plan I had been formu- lating for the past several weeks. Carpe diem.

“How would you like to write a book together?”

“About what?” I asked my mom. Write a book? This was a real surprise. I felt a bit suspicious, but still curious. I love to write, and Mom kept telling me I was really good at it. I like writing poetry, fantasy, and sci-fi, though. The books Mom wrote were all nonfiction. I wondered what we could possibly do together.

“Well . . .” I hesitated. If I wanted her to commit to any extra work out- side her busy schedule at school—not to mention work alongside her mother—I had to make this really great. “It would be about women as leaders,” I continued, “a mother-daughter investigation into leadership styles and structures.”

“Leadership?” I blurted. It came out as if I had a bad taste in my mouth—which I did. I couldn’t imagine a more boring topic to write about. What is there to say about leadership anyway? When you’re in charge, you just get things done, right? Who wants to talk about that?

Her furrowed brow told me I was losing her fast. “Um . . . we could find women leaders all around the world!” I said impulsively, frantically casting the ultimate bait.

“Really? Would we get to travel a lot?” I hadn’t thought about that. Heck, I’d write about the mating habits of tsetse flies if I got to go to Africa to do it!

But this project wasn’t just about the influence it would have on Darcy. I wanted to do something that could have a potent impact on an alarming trend I had witnessed in workplaces across the country: far too many women appeared to be making a choice not to apply for top leadership positions when presented with the opportunities to do so.

This project, then, was a bit of a Trojan horse. On the one hand, the saga of a mother-daughter journey could seduce female readers, who might never bother to read the Harvard Business School dissertations on the subject, into a meaningful conversation about leadership. At the same time, if Darcy met a series of brilliant, accomplished women— people even a cynical teen would be in awe of—perhaps they could tell her all the things I’d like her to know—and more.

And she just might listen.

But where to start? How would we make it work? I suggested we do most of our research by phone, as I did for How Strong Women Pray. My telephone interviews with a governor, some CEOs, actors, sports figures, a college president, and others yielded great stories and information. I promised my intrepid co-author, though, that we could punctuate these conversations with a few visits in person to exciting and exotic places—all with reasonably priced airfares.

“Why don’t we follow each subject as she goes about her daily life? That way our readers get to come along with us and get a behind- the-scenes look at what happens to them. Instead of just a boring interview, we—and our readers—get to hang around with these women, see them in their natural habitat, and even see how other people treat them.”

Although I agreed it was a wonderful approach, this idea of “job- shadowing” each featured subject wasn’t going to be easy. Would these high-powered, important women deign to allow us that kind of access? Would they be able to impart the kind of wisdom that would resonate with our readers and truly make a difference in their lives? We looked at each other, both of us hooked on a crazy idea that we weren’t sure we could pull off.

“It sounds impossible, Darcy,” I said. “We might as well get started.”

And so, we stepped out . . . on faith.

What I Am Not - Tricia Goyer

Becoming a mother is a complicated thing. Not only am I trying to negotiate a relationship with my child, I am trying to negotiate a relationship with myself as I attempt to determine how I mother, how I feel about mothering, how I want to mother and how I wish I was mothered.

— Andrea J. Buchanan, in Mother Shock3

Sometimes the easiest way to discover who we are is to know who we are not.

• We are not our children. We all know mothers who go overboard trying to make themselves look good by making their children look great. I saw one woman on the Oprah television show who had bought her preschool daughter more than twelve pairs of black shoes just so the girl could have different styles to go with her numerous outfits! Just as we -don’t get report cards for mothering, we also -don’t get graded on our child’s looks or accomplishments. While you want your children to do their best and succeed in life, your self-esteem -shouldn’t be wrapped up in your child.

Life as I See It:

My individuality will never end. There will be no one exactly like me, not even my child. She will be like me in some ways, but not at all in others. I -wouldn’t have it any other way.

— Desiree, Texas

• We are not our mothers. I remember the first time I heard my mother’s voice coming out of my mouth. The words “because I told you so .  .  .” escaped before I had a chance to squelch them.

It’s not until we have kids that we truly understand our mothers — all their frets, their nagging, and their worries.

It’s also then that we truly understand their love.

Since you are now a mother, it’s good to think back on how you were raised. If there were traditions or habits that now seem wise and useful, incorporate them into your parenting. You also have permission to sift out things you now know -weren’t good. Just because you’re a product of your mother, that -doesn’t mean you have to turn out just like her. Repeat after me, “I am not my mother.”

• We are not like any other mother out there. Sometimes you may feel like the world’s worst mother. After all, your friend never yells at her son — and sometimes you do. Then again, your friend may feel bad because you have a wonderful bedtime routine that includes stories and songs. In many cases, the moms you feel inferior to only look like they have it together. All moms feel they -don’t “measure up.” Instead of feeling unworthy, we should realize that everyone has strengths and weaknesses. The key is where we place our focus.

The Bible says, “Let’s just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without .  .  . comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we -aren’t” (Romans 12:5 – 6, MESSAGE).

The problem with comparison is, we always measure our weaknesses against the strengths of others. Instead, we need to thank God for our strengths. We can also ask God to help us overcome our weaknesses — not because we want to compare ourselves, or look good in someone else’s eyes, but because we want to be the best mom out there.

She’s My Everything - Suzanne Woods Fisher

“A mother is one who can take the place of all others, but whose place no one else can take.”

--Cardinal Mermillod


Just a few more months. My mother was hoping Dad would hang on long enough so they could celebrate their sixtieth wedding anniversary in April. But on January 1st, as the sun rose on the new year, my dad’s worn out heart beat its last. Dad had battled Alzheimer’s Disease for ten years. As many of you know, AD is a long, hard journey. Hard on the one afflicted with the disease, hard on the caregivers.

But not without its blessings.

Four years ago, as I began researching stories for Amish Peace: Simple Wisdom for a Complicated World, my path crossed with a handful of Plain families who were coping with Alzheimer’s. It was just about the point when Dad’s illness was shifting from early to mid stages AD and the timing was a divine accident. I learned so much as I observed the calm acceptance of these families. Rather than waste time shaking a fist at God for allowing this disease to take their loved one, they put their energy into trusting God’s sovereignty. They didn’t deny the difficulties and complications and sadness of Alzheimer’s, but they didn’t dwell on them. “God has a plan,” one woman told me. “He always has a plan.”

Something else I noticed was how privileged my Amish friends felt about caring for their loved one. Caring for the elderly, they believe, is the time to give back to them.

Those encounters shaped my perspective of Dad’s illness. I started to pay attention to how God provided answers to new wrinkles created by Alzheimer’s, just in time. God may be slow, but He is never late.

I started to cherish special moments or good days with Dad—just as he was at each point in his illness. Not mourning the past, not dreading the future.

I really miss my dad. I miss his scratchy whiskers and the way his eyebrows would wiggle at us, even as words failed him. Yet I have such peace in my heart that he was well loved and well cared for, right to the very end. And as hard as Dad’s end of life has been, it isn’t the end. We will meet again. As the saying goes, “Some may see a hopeless end, but as believers we rejoice in an endless hope.”

There’s a beautiful story that illustrates my parents’ 59-year marriage. This event happened about a year or two ago. My sister had accompanied our mother to the doctor appointment for Dad at the Stanford Memory Clinic.

Dad had declined quite a bit that month. He was weak and lethargic, even to the point of whispering, as if it took too much energy to project his voice. During the doctor's appointment, the doctor told my mother and sister that Dad was now in late stages of Alzheimer's. Dad didn’t have much vocabulary left, but when the doctor asked him who mom was, he whispered something back. The doctor looked at Mom and asked, "Did you hear what he just said?"

Mom shook her head.

"When I asked him who you were, he whispered, 'She's...my everything.'"

Joy Comes from Perseverance | Shelia Walsh

One of the most important lessons I have learned in my own life is the joy that comes from perseverance. Eugene Peterson, borrowing a phrase from Friedrich Nietzsche, wrote his book “A Long Obedience in the Same Direction …Discipleship in an Instant Society.” He points to the Psalms as the way believers have always learned to pray what they live and live what they pray but it is not a short journey. It is an intentional commitment to keep walking even when you are worn out.

*If we want to see lasting results in any area of life it’s important to keep walking in that direction.

*If we want to have a better understanding of the Gospel of John then it takes time and commitment to dig deeper day after day.

*If we want to be thinner this summer than last summer then the work begins now not then.

So too in our relationship with Christ…..

*If we want to know Him at a more profoundly intimate level, that also takes an intentional seeking after Him every day.

As a grown woman I have come to love the beauty of this gift. Passing this “mined treasure” onto my son on the other hand has been an interesting challenge. We live in such a fast paced, attention-challenged culture where the latest thing can be delivered to your doorstep by tomorrow for a few dollars more. But, as you know, by the time it is delivered it has already been replaced or updated!

How do we speak then into the lives of our children to help them understand and value perseverance?

For me…part of the puzzle meant a large piece of poster board, scissors, some photos and a bottle of Elmer’s glue. My son, Christian and I spread everything out on a sheet in the game room as I explained our project. “We’re going to make a family faith-tree,” I said. “These are photos of family on your dad’s side and on mine. Many of them have gone on to be with Jesus but the seeds they planted into our family continue to grow.” Then we wrote down their names and when they came to faith in Christ (as many as I knew). It was quite something to see when we were finished.

“Your life matters Christian. Running your race well matters.”

That night we read these words from the writer to the Hebrews,

“We are surrounded by a great cloud of people whose lives tell us what faith means. So let us run the race that is before us and never give up.”

Hebrews 12:1 (NCV)

Welcome to Pearl Girls™ Mother of Pearl Mother's Day blog series -­‐ a week long celebration of moms and mothering. Each day will feature a new post by some of today's best writer's (Tricia Goyer, Sheila Walsh, Suzanne Woods Fisher, Bonnie St. John, and more). I hope you'll join us each day for another unique perspective on Mother's Day.

AND ... do enter the contest for a chance to win a beautiful hand crafted pearl necklace. To enter, just {CLICK THIS LINK} and fill out the short form. Contest runs 5/6-­‐5/13 and the winner will on 5/14. Contest is only open to US and Canadian residents.

If you are unfamiliar with Pearl Girls™, please visit www.pearlgirls.info and see what we're all about. In short, we exist to support the work of charities that help women and children in the US and around the globe. Consider purchasing a copy of Pearl Girls: Encountering Grit, Experiencing Grace or one of the Pearl Girls™ products (all GREAT Mother's Day gifts!) to help support Pearl Girls.

And to all you MOMS out there, Happy Mother's Day!

Priceless Treasure by Cindy K. Stiverson

We've heard it said and often find it true:
You don't know the value of a treasure until you're without it. 

We take for granted the things in life that seem so readily available.
   A paperclip or rubber band, to hold things together.
   A tissue or napkin, to wipe our nose to clean our face, to absorb our tears.
   A Bible to speak words of wisdom and instruction and life and love.

And a Mother, who is all these things and more.
   She is readily available.
   She holds things together.
   She wipes our nose, cleans our face (and our fingers, and, well…everything else!)
   She absorbs our tears and calms our fears.
  "She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue." (Proverbs 31:26)
   She loves.

Within hours after my mother passed into the gates of our heavenly home, I was missing her. Her quick wit…humor…charm. Her warm smile and melodious laughter, which served her well to the very end, as did our Lord Jesus Christ, who so graciously allowed her to slip quietly and peacefully into His arms.

She simply stopped breathing.

As I stood at her bedside in those priceless moments after her passing, I wanted to touch her skin as much as possible while there was still warmth in her body; to nuzzle my nose against her head and breathe in the scent of her hair while she was still there. Priceless treasures I was guilty of taking for granted, clouded by unmet needs. I was so consumed with what she was not, that I never fully appreciated who she was. It’s like I was blind, but now I see!

I see her strength, her commitment. Her perseverance…sacrifice…her unspoken love. I see how much she meant to me, how much she did for me, how much she taught me, and how much of the good in me was modeled by her.

She was a virtuous woman, as described in Proverbs 31 of the Bible.
“Her children stand and bless her… a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise (vs. 31).”

This last verse of the poem serves as an epitaph for the woman of virtue. It speaks of the legacy she leaves in her passing. It spurred me to write a personal epitaph for my mother, which I read at her funeral.

We publicly declare your praise today, 

and in the days to come,

for you deserve to be praised and blessed,

"We honor you, Mom, for all you have done!"

In my earliest of memories, 

You worked so hard, striving for the rest.

You persevered through great trials

and did your very best.

I know you are being rewarded

in ways far beyond our reach.

We honor you now by practicing what you've taught,

and even what you preached!

You've stood for us for all these years,

Today, we stand for you!

I pray that our applause on earth

will reach your heavenly ears.

With the reading of this poem, I asked everyone to stand. We clapped our hands in celebration and praise of the life of my mother, Margaret Alice Stiltner.

Imagine our surprise to discover that she had left a poetic epitaph for us! She had clipped it from an old magazine and framed it. I found it when I was cleaning her home, on a nightstand by her bed. My mother was never versed at expressing emotion. This was her sweet way of kissing us good-­‐bye: a priceless treasure to remember her by.

###

Cynthia (Cindy) Stiverson is a speaker, writer, and artist.  In 1998, she founded Woven: Women of Virtue Network, a spiritual formation and friendship ministry. She pastors the women at Newark Church of the Nazarene in Ohio. She is currently working on her fourth Woven Workbook, and also a book for mothers and daughters on the subject of sexual abuse. Cindy considers raising her daughter, speaker/author Nicole Braddock Bromley, to be her greatest achievement. She loves the men in her life, hubby Mark, grandbabes Jude and Isaac, and son-­‐in-­‐ law Matthew. You can find more of Cindy at www.WovenWomen.blogspot.co m and www.CynthiaStiverson.com

Exciting News – the latest Pearl Girls book, Mother of Pearl: Luminous Legacies and Iridescent Faith will be released this month! Please visit the Pearl Girls Facebook Page (and LIKE us!) for more information! Thanks so much for your support!

Guest Author...

This is a first for me.  I know of plenty other bloggers who use "guest authors", but I haven't ever found one that was "worthy" of use!  Well, that has changed.  Meet my friend, Angela...

Angela is a stay at home mother of 5, who deals daily with the struggles most mom's have.  I know I often feel like I don't measure up to the "perfect" image of the "Proverbs 31" woman.  So, grab your coffee, and read on!

"My Messy House" - Angela Studebaker

I'm not a blogger but I am a writer. A sporadic writer, but a writer none the less. Here is something I wrote this morning. I hope it blesses someone else.

I have a Messy House.

If you would make a surprise visit to my home on 7th street in Goshen, you would see a lovely flower garden in the front with a lawn that needs mowing, an old porch that is badly in need of replacing and yet has a welcoming presence.  Inside you would find a messy house. Laundry in varying stages of being unfinished lays in baskets and on floors in many rooms of the house. You will find toys, clothes, mp3 players, dog toys, dishes adorning many flat surfaces.  The bathrooms need scrubbed, the floors need swept, windows and walls need wiping…. The list goes on and on.  If you are really brave and venture into the garage and basement in spite of dyer warnings from myself of the hazards you may find in those two places, well….I just hope you can find your way back out, unharmed.

Why is my house so messy? Well the most obvious reason is this: I hate to clean. I just don’t find any enjoyment in it at all. Many of my friends say things like; “But it feels so good to have it done” and “I just can’t stand it like this.”  I suppose for me the reward of a clean house is just not strong enough to help me face the torture of going through the process of getting it clean. This would involve one of two things. Either cleaning it myself which could take days or weeks of being alone doing something I loathe. By the way being alone is on the top of my dislike list as well. Or yelling, bribing, cajoling the other people in my house to help me.

I think perhaps there is a bigger reason as to why my house is chronically dirty, a deeper reason if you will. I don’t have it all together. I am not some sort of supermom.  I am human and I struggle.  I am not able to emotionally and mentally invest in parenting my children, feeding, clothing and caring for them (I have 5 btw), while keeping a tidy house.  Something has to give. I have made my choice.  It is the house work that gets left aside.

I have struggled for years to find a balance between being a house wife and being a mom. I am a lousy housewife, if by definition that means one who makes beds, keeps an immaculate house, makes complete gourmet meals every night and presents neatly groomed children who never make a peep. I am, I think, an ok Mom. I enjoy spending time with my kids, going to their concerts and events and just hanging out. I enjoy taking them to the park and swimming. I work hard to keep them fed and clothed. Maybe I haven’t achieved balance but it’s working for us.

Life is not tidy. It is messy. Raising 5 children is dirty work. I have chosen to invest in the maintenance of the emotional and spiritual health and well being of my children, my husband and myself over the cleanliness of my house.

I know that this does not fit into many views of our society of how life should look.  Even many Christians feel that “cleanliness is next to godliness,” which is not in the Bible by the way.  Life should look presentable many feel. We should always have our hair combed, our clothes neatly pressed, our dishes washed and put away, laundry neatly folded and tucked into drawers. Beds should be neatly made because we wouldn’t want any one to know we slept (or God forbid did other things) in that bed. And the list goes on.

Well, I suppose I am a “what you see is what you get” kind of person both literally and figuratively. My house is not tidy, because I am not tidy. I’m messy and loud and difficult at times. I am busy taming the messes inside of myself and my children and so my house is dirty.

I have come to a place of peace with this. I am happy.

I will not be perfect until the day my Savior comes to take me Home. My house will be dirty at times.  I choose to spend my energy enjoying my children, helping them navigate the choppy waters of adolescence, finding interests and talents that fulfill God’s purpose for their lives. I also choose to contribute time and energy to making my community a better place. I choose to invest in the lives of other children who may not have parents who are capable of caring for them. I choose to take care of my inner life. I choose to trim and prune my inner garden of spirituality.

I live with a chronic illness. Some days getting out of bed is a real chore. Walking around the house and moving things takes more mental and physical energy than I possess on some days. I choose not to mentally berate myself when I just can’t find the strength to clean up.

As I have grown in my walk with God, I have become confident that His love for me is not dependent on my ability to present everything in a neat and tidy package. He is with me always. We walk in sweet communion through the day. His sweet spirit is a constant presence with me. I’m not perfect and I’m not super. Yet I am loved and forgiven.

My choices are in no way a judgment on the choices of others. Others may choose to focus on the cleanliness of their homes and that is ok. This is where their journey is taking them. We each must find our way through this foreign land.

My heart is grateful and peaceful, even in the messy places.